


Faithfully

by sabbathgoat



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019), The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band Book - Mötley Crüe & Neil Strauss
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Overdosing, Secret Crush, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28643499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabbathgoat/pseuds/sabbathgoat
Summary: They say that the roadAin't no place to start a familyRight down the lineIt's been you and meAnd lovin' a music manAin't always what it's supposed to be(Sometimes love took its sweet time to get down the road.)
Relationships: Mick Mars/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Faithfully

**Author's Note:**

> My friend and I challenged each other to write a fic inspired by Journey's song Faithfully!

**1983**

The bassist sat mere feet away, shrouded in the shadows of the Whiskey a Go Go that framed his pale form as if he was born to them. They blanketed his shoulders and melted into his dark hair, kept warm in the folds of his black leather jacket. He was just across the table, and yet it felt like miles were put between them.

Mick stared at him, always pretending not to, hidden behind his dark sunglasses much like Nikki hid behind his bangs. Countless times he was asked _why_ he wore them inside at all, let alone the dark cavern where they found themselves many nights sitting drunk, looking at things they probably couldn't have. There were two reasons Mick wore them, but he answered with neither one. Yes, the lights above the dancing women burned his sore eyes made raw from his disease, but he also shrouded his gaze so he could watch the young bassist across the table.

Nikki came off like a demon to most, probably all but his own band, but Mick knew better than the careful facade he put up. Years of defense, marching in soldiers across Nikki's heart, were obvious to the older man without even having to look too deep inside. Mick could see past it with his blue eyes closed. He always could, right from day one, because it was the same defense Mick so carefully deployed too.

_We are so alike, you and I. If only you could see it with me._

Mick gazed on, watching Nikki chew the butt of his cigarette and stare at the women on stage. If only he knew the longing Mick's old heart drowned in each day, every night; they could write a million songs together about it, probably enough to touch the sun and come right back.

 _Just let me show you what I feel. I beg of you. We don't have to fight this world alone_.

But thoughts and feelings were just words in his head that could never escape, so Mick pushed them away. Every hour, no matter how far Nikki roamed from him, Mick's heart cried out, wishing someone would listen.

Of all the souls on Earth, and Nikki's had to glow the brightest.

It was the one light in the world that could never hurt Mick's eyes.  
  


**1984**

This road was endless, paved with pain and black tar and rocks that hurt when you fell. The miles ran by under wheels that never ceased to spin, and Mick stared at the land that sped by. City to city they ran, to play their hearts out for thousands of people and forget what happened the next day.

The nights were long and heavy, so far away from home, but Mick would never turn back. Only if Nikki did first.

Tour bus bunks were cramped and hot and slaughtered his back, but Mick paid the hassles no mind. He watched through his small window the sun rise over the land, in a state he couldn't remember. The clouds were purple, the sky was navy, and the rays of light beginning to wake were golden veins spreading through them. Nikki was just across the little aisle way, sound asleep. The one moment of each day where his torment could lie still.

Mick turned his head to the other side, and looked at his longing love lay peacefuly. The bumps in the road rattled the chains on their boots where they were left discarded on the floor, but did nothing to stir the three men sleeping around him. He watched Nikki's back, which was turned to him, rise slow and steady with each passing breath.

_These beds are hell for one man alone, but I'd lay next to you every night with happiness in my heart if only you'd let me. I'd never let you suffer another nightmare alone on this endless tour._

Miles on the road, laid out in front of them and left behind. Only feet between their beds.

And yet, as Mick remained alert through the waking morn, he'd never felt so far from home in his life.

_Will this distance between us ever end?_   
  


**1986**

_I wish you could hear me. See me. Listen to the things I can't say out loud._

Mick tried his hardest, with all his old might, to focus solely on the metal strings digging into his fingers, but the itch he could never scratch was back again. _Did it ever really leave?_

Nikki was taping his toes, then his booted heel, then his fingers on the neck of his bass. When one part of him ran out of energy to run and thrum, another began. He itched his cheek, wiped his eyes, cursed beneathe his breath. He wasn't speaking the torment in his mind on a sturdy voice, but Mick could hear it across the room just fine.

_I'm restless in this slow, beating world._

Mick glanced between mahogany wood, metal frets, and the boy in the room. The fast tune they were trying to play wasn't coming out of him no matter how many times he plucked it; Mick's heart yearned _desperately_ to play what it truly felt instead. His guitar wanted to cry out endlessly all the love it's master kept just out of sight.

_Please stop hurting yourself._

_I love you so much._

_Please let me tell you one day._

Years go by, day by day, but not one as miserable as those before Mick Mars knew Nikki Sixx. His wild fire, growing bright in the world to eat up everything he saw with passionate hunger. Mick knew it was too hot to touch before the rain came down, so again he waited.

Years go by, but never to waist.

He could wait. For Nikki, he would.  
  
  


**1987**

Fires could burn, fires could spread, and fires could die.

When Nikki _\- his bright little wild fire always ready to fight the good fight_ \- was on his screen, wheeled away under a cloth to never show his face again, Mick's heart died with him.

_I could have helped you._

_I should of tried._

_If I could just have you back, I'll never wait again._

_Just one more minute of your precious time to tell you the truth..._

He thought he knew heartbreak before, but Mick's chest proved him wrong when every string within his shattered soul snapped forever. He sat on the floor, thankful for his aching spine to grip him to reality, and cried until he could cry no more. The moon ran across the sky, down the road, away from the midnight sun that rose to see the old man still sitting dead on the floor.

_I loved you more than anything in the world. I still do._

_I always will._

The phone rang, but Mick didn't hear it. Met with his voice-mail. It rang again, and still his ears refused to accept it. He was dying, his heart was ripping in too, draining all its blood until only ice cold air was left to fill its void. He'd never be happy again, with Nikki gone so far away.

_I should have seen your pain._

The phone rang again, and Mick tried to answer it.

But he'd been sitting too long, so his back was frozen cold and stung when he moved. Mick cursed, both himself and the world and the damn deities that existed and did this to them. The phone rang until it didn't anymore, and Mick was left alone on the floor.

He thought he would be left alone in silence for the rest of his life, or however much more he could take of it, and felt himself cry once more. Until the phone rang again.

He forced himself up, limping to the receiver. His spine was cracking and spewing lava within him, but it could never compare to the pain inside his chest. He yanked it off the wall, and nearly snarled to the speaker.

 _Leave me alone. Don't you know? I'll never be the same again_.

"Mick?"

He'd never believed in angels before, but he was sure one just kissed his cold ear.  
  
  


**1988**

_'I have to tell you something. I don't care how you react, and you know I'm shit with good timing, but I have to say it now. Do with it what you will.'_

_'Spit it out, then.'_

_'I love you. I love you more than life itself. I didn't ask to care so much about you, but it's a passion in my heart that won't ever die.'_

_'You really mean it?'_

_'I'll never love anyone else as much as I do you.'_   
  
  


**1989**

Their lives weren't easy. Not even close. If they were, it just wouldn't be them, would it? Maybe they wouldn't even have found each other so long ago, in that beat up old liquor store.

Mick soaked up the sun beating down on his black-clad self, warm in the moderate fall air. The colored leaves on the trees were swaying in the gentle breeze, and Mick lit his cigarette. He planned for it to be the last one.

It was had in celebration, as he stared at the doors to the rehab center.

Five months meant nothing to some, everything to others, but to Mick?

 _It was eternity_.

Phone calls weren't the same as touches. Not even close to whispers in ears. Or kissing on lips. As soon as he'd held that calloused hand in his own, _finally_ , after waiting nearly too long, it had to go away. He'd promised Mick he would be okay; he would do it right this time. He would quit the drugs, for _good_ , because he could never hurt Mick like that again.

Nikki was a spontaneous monster in the night, unknowing how to live life sober in the sunlight. It was a wildly dangerous thing that had simply caught up to him, when Nikki couldn't run from it anymore. _He just had to go away for some time, so he could come back with open eyes._

That was okay. Mick could wait, just a little longer more. He knew Nikki was safe, and he'd told his love before he'd left that if he ever felt like he wasn't, he would be there to take him home. But Nikki stuck it out, because he was strong and a fighter and the most determined man Mick ever knew, and now he was ready. The final call he sent to Mick was spoken with life in his voice that Mick hadn't heard in _years_. He was finished. He was alive. He was clean, and promised to stay so.

_I've waited so long for this day. Come to me, and I'll never let you go again._

Mere seconds went by until the front doors opened, and Nikki sped through them. He was a bullet in the wind chasing what he wanted, and Mick was glad to see some things- _the important ones, like that_ \- never changed. He ran down the steps, across the sidewalk, and then across the gravel parking lot towards Mick. He was grinning ear to ear, and Mick couldn't stop the laugh that escaped him. He dropped his half used cigarette when the bassist launched himself at the older man in a hug tight enough to crack his infected joints.

 _"I missed you so much, fucker!"_ Nikki nearly sobbed as he held Mick tight.

 _Close. Finally_.

Together they stood, leaning against Mick's car that would soon drive them home.

Home, in LA, far away from this place that had saved his lover. Where the sun never went away, even on the darkest of days. Not because it was Hollywood, full of fame and fortune and the less fortunate- but because it was where Nikki would be.

Nikki was all the light Mick ever needed.

"I've missed you since the day I met you. And now I _finally_ have you, idiot," Mick gripped Nikki's cheek and yanked his face forward, kissing him long and hard. "I love you," He spoke when they parted. "I always will, no matter what."

_"I love you too, old man."_


End file.
